hotel room ftw
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
