It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
