I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How external is "for external use only"?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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