Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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