After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
