She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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