I wish they made helmets for livers.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
