Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
