I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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