when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was like giving head to a cactus.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
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