he shaved USA in his pubs
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
