CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
