I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Couch. On fire.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
