I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
