OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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