I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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