She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
