Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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