seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
