I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize