Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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