my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
