If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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