You're a womanizer and a bitch.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
