No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
