We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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