Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize