I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
