lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
