just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
