I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
