did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
