dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
