I CAN MOONWALK!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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