the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Drake has all the answers
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
