i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
