So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
