Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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