i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
