if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
