brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
