Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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