SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
