Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
