Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Randomize
