if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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