my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
