the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
