Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
