Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i jhust puked up my retainher.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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