he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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