do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
