You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
