whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
