It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
