the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
