one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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