You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
