And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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