first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
