There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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