I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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