Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
