girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
