So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
