All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Everyone says I win the strip club
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
