I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
