her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
