what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
