Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize